Mmmmm bananas... GO GIANTS!

And sweet potatoes!!!

I swear, he smiles all the time but when he sees the camera... he just locks up - LOL!!

My Bubba loves food!

GO GIANTS... I better get a Cowboy bib to even the playing field. WUHOOOOOOOOOO

Daddy time

SO CUTE!!!

Video as promised

When Daddy is gone... things are a tad more difficult

Let me start off by saying Holt is in Puerto Rico currently wining and dining with James... the work begins tomorrow so I'll feel sorry for him Wednesday, but for today... well.. today I just wish he were working HERE. Everything is harder when he is gone.

So today was a big day for me. I decided to return 4 outdoor chair cushions and an umbrella to Home Depot (we couldn't afford them so we are taking them back - OUCH-maybe NEXT Mother's Day) and I also returned the new baby monitors we bought because our tv monitor is on the fritz, we have to send back for a replacement and the monitor eats up all of our batteries so we were trying to get one with rechargeables.

Anyway.... the returns went well. Tristan is the easiest kid on the planet. He was a big hit at Home Depot too, lots of ooooo's and aaaaah's at him. Then off to Babies-R-Us and we returned, bought formula and cereal and back home we went.

It was fun, but man, it's a workout. I don't know how my friend Jenn did it with twins. Her husband and boys came over today to borrow my hiking gear and all I could think of was... HOW do you do it with two? Sheesh.

Anyway... I then decided it would be a good idea to walk the dogs. I didn't have anyone to take a picture... so I took one of us in the mirror. It's bad but you can at least get the point.

Then of course.. I had the two beasts in front of me. Seriously, it was like a walking circus. I did it.. TWICE... and no one died. This was HUGE. Only bad thing was, I forgot sunscreen on my little man's arms so I was panicked.

Now... imagine how "interesting" it was picking up dog poop at this point. Yeah...not fun but I did the sideways move where EVERY inch of me BUT my hand went one way towards the dogs and then the hand grabbed the poop and then into a SECOND bag it went to keep it away from my sweet boy. Not pretty and not fun. My neighbors kept saying "WOW... do you want to walk MY dog too" - I laughed but silently I was letting Aslan eat them from the ankle up.

Tomorrow the pooches are off to my in-laws because our backyard is being ripped up by the city. Apparently, we have some man hole or something back there that they need access to and our fence goes past it. Oh well.. at least they will "till" the land a bit. They are putting it back with new grass and all so maybe it will be an improvement, that area is pathetic.

So, as of tomorrow, it will be Tristan and I solo until Thursday when Daddy returns.

May work not be too nuts, may my child like his new formula and may the pooches NOT drive my in-laws insane. God help us all. :)

Holy bananas, just bouncin' around and man, I have some big shoes to fill!

Well... in came the spoon... filled with rice and bananas.... I don't think he's sure about this....

Hmmmm, well, it's got a weird texture for sure... but....

This ain't half bad! Tonight after work I tried again and Tristan kept opening his mouth wanting more, I was shocked!!

I'll have Holt do a video this weekend so you can all see. He's definitely a fan of the 'nana!

Believe it or not... this is fever day. This little guy does whatever he can to be happy! Good for you Bubba!!

Talkin'....can you hear him?

On the verge of crying but NOT giving in!!

VICTORY!

Such a sweet boy!!!

This morning... I got out of the shower and I walked out of the bathroom and Mr. Cheeks.. just sitting there... waiting. Holt was hiding in the closet. It was hilarious!

We put some shoes on him to be funny!

Daddy's little man! Soon enough he'll be tromping around the house in them!!

That's all for now!!

Should I cry over spilled milk? Hmmmm

Well, that picture is the happiest I have seen my child in 2 days. Bubba couldn't go to the Nanny today sooooooo, he's working with Daddy!! My poor little guy got his 4 month shots yesterday and he's been SO fussy. Tristan has been running a fever for a day now and I blame those stupid shots (that could potentially save his life) so I guess I should be thankful a fever is all he's got!

Last night I rocked him for over an hour and he cried and cried and cried...it was horrible! He had tears streaming down his face and he was inconsolable. He did the hard cry, then the "I can't breathe or calm down" huff the entire time. My heart was broken. I know, I know... I ain't seen nothin' yet. Ugh. So sad. I just hugged him and kissed him and sang him to sleep.

Here's the overall scoop on Mr. T:

Weight: 14 lbs 1.2 oz - 50th percentile
Height: 25 1/4 - 75th percentile
Head: 42 1/2 - 50-75th percentile

Good news... overall he is doing great BUT, he's not getting enough calories or gaining enough weight. So, we are to start introducing cereal and fruit/veggies..whatever we want basically as long as it's pureed. This ought to make for some interesting photo ops!!

Bad news is... my breast milk isn't offering quite enough calories AND I have to toss all my Jan/Feb/March milk because if it's not stored in a DEEP freezer...it's no good! DAMN!

This is the portion I had at home.. there's more to be tossed at my in-laws house. What a bummer.




So, I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to (slowly) stop breastfeeding over the next month. Well, pumping at this point... but hey, that's just terminology. I have done what I can for my little guy and this pumping 6 times a day has taken it's toll on me. I'm exhausted and quite frankly I can't eat ANYTHING so it's causing a ton of anxiety and hunger pains! I'll be done by the time we head off to see John and Ginger in Kentucky.

The milk that I have frozen will be fed to him twice a day with formula and then formula for the other 2 feedings. So, basically, he will get 5 months from me and the rest from formula. As I said... hopefully, this is enough for him health wise.

Plus, I have blocked ducts again that are causing me a ton of pain. I'm supposed to pump every couple of hours and that just isn't possible at work so they aren't clearing up very quickly and this could land me in the hospital with mastitis if I'm not careful. Lovely....

So, I'll slowly start my body's decent back to normal. I'm sad, I guess knowing that he's on his own from here on out... knowing that this will be the last time in my life that I ever do this.. and HOPING and PRAYING that what I have done for him is enough. I hope he doesn't have asthma or allergies but I know breastfeeding still is no guarantee. I guess in some respect, all endings are sad... this is just another one. On a high note... I'll have some normalcy back to my body (I think), some "spare time" and maybe now I will have 20 minutes to run! One thing off the list... one thing on. :)

I am off for my annual visit to the doctor. I'm a little worried physically because of my stress level. I know it's bad and I think it's effecting my weight loss and my sleep patterns. I'm back at counseling and also eating very well so that coupled with my HOPEFUL running that I'm trying to squeeze in will help.

Work is good, it's just very, very stressful. I NEED to be a perfectionist but then I NEED to turn that off when I go home and I'm having a hard time doing that. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and I know that's not true. It's just what it FEELS like. Gotta just let it go and I promise, I'm trying.


My best friend Tracy sent me a Mom's Day card too... so sweet. Love you Pookie and Happy Almost Your Birthday!! Old Fart!

Ok, that's all I have for now... I'll send more pics when we start feeding the little guy cereal. Maybe I'll get lucky and his fever will drop tonight - and once Daddy gets home from work- we can spend some HAPPY time together. It'll be nice to see the nugget smile again. I miss that grin!

Oops

And my mama... thank you for my sweet card and pedicure- I love you!!!

Dear Tristan,

I decided for Mother's Day, that I would write a letter to my son. I realize he is young, far too young to read or understand the words I am writing so I guess, in a way, I am doing this for me.

Tristan, you are the greatest thing I have ever done. You have completed a place in me that I never knew existed. Just like God, your Daddy, my family and friends... they all have spots but YOU... well, YOU filled one that I wasn't aware of.

You make me want to be a better person, you make me STRIVE to be happy and content with what I have because now, I have all I could have ever asked for. My sweet little guy, the joy you bring to my life you will never understand. Well, someday when you have kids of your own, you will...but until then, you will have to believe me, just as I had to believe my mom.

Last night you woke up at 2:40am and I heard you crying. As usual, I immediately popped out of bed and came to you because this is very out of character for my little - "I sleep 10 hours in a row" guy - sure enough, you were hungry. So I fed you and rocked you and you did your new little "move" on me... head, promptly rested on my shoulder and you slept. Oh how my heart melted. I could feel and hear you breathe and in that moment, it was just me and you...rocking..... I was all you needed and my heart was full. It's VERY, VERY hard for me to put you down. So, we rocked a little more. It's my secret obsession!

Then, at 5am on my very first Mother's Day... you cried again. Yes, I was tired but hey, I didn't care. So I got up and you just wanted to play. I had better ideas... we snuggled and fell asleep again. These are the moments that I never thought I would miss but I know I will. I know there will be a day that you won't want to snuggle anymore. You won't want my kisses and you'll ask me to drop you around the block so no one can see me hug and kiss you goodbye. But, it's part of the deal and I get it. From the moment you were born, truthfully, I began to raise you to leave me. I'm ok with that, it's natural. It's my job to teach you independence to teach you right from wrong and to teach you to honor God and your family. It's my job to introduce you to new foods, new experiences, other cultures and other ways of life. It's my job to show you Jesus and where I fail Him as well so you see that only He was perfect. It's my job to bring LIFE to you and it is YOUR job to choose. I pray you choose well.

Tristan, I am so imperfect. I am so broken and full of faults. I will let you down, I will hurt you and I will do things that you don't understand but I will NEVER, EVER love you less. As a matter of fact, my heart grows in love for you every day and I'm astonished at how... because I honestly think there is no more room. Mommy is very imperfect but I hope you can love me anyway. *GRIN*

I promise to love your Daddy and work on our marriage always. There are far too many kids in the world that live with divorce, I was one of them. I am one of them but I will NOT be one of them again. I married your daddy for better or for worse. Some days are far better and some days stink and we don't like each other BUT we always, always love each other. You daddy and I are committed to raising you the best that we can and we hope that you can forgive us for where we fail. We will surround you with family and friends so you never feel alone, no matter where we are or where you are - you will only be a drive a phone call, a plane ride, a continent away..never too far for me to find you.

For the rest of your life I will worry a little, (ok, a lot), I will want for you, I will cry for you and I will be your biggest cheerleader. I will push you to try your best at everything and I will always tell you to finish well and leave this world better than you found it. Daddy and I will try and raise you to be honest, forgiving, kind, loving, patient and humble. We will try and teach you the lessons we learned but ultimately, it will be up to you to decide what path you will take.

You just "called" me back into your room for the 3rd time in an hour. So unlike you and so funny that it's when I am writing this. I don't know if you are catching a cold (I sure hope not) or if it's just that last night's sleep schedule is so messed up that you feel like me... kind of in a trance today. Either way, I love that you need me and I love that when I pick you up, everything - well, most things - are ok again.

January 14, 2009 marked a day in my life that forever changed my future. I am thankful for every bit of you that is present and that is to come. You are my little nugget, my sweet angel baby and you have given me more joy in the last 4 months than you can ever imagine.

I look forward to watching you grow and change into the man that I know God created you to be. Thank You God that I can celebrate this day and that you have given me the man...and the little man of my dreams. Holt and Tristan are more than I could have ever asked for.

Happy Mother's Day to me......... I am blessed. Here's to many, many more! *CHEERS*

Happy Mother's Day to my mom as well.......... I know what a terror I was and I'm thankful that you put up with me long enough for us to be the friends we are today. And to my Grandma... that is high above with Christ... thank YOU for raising my mom the way you did........ we miss you and I know today a little piece of my mom's heart longs for you to hug her and tell her how much you love her and were proud to be her mommy. I know you miss Grandma, and Mom..... I know she lives in your heart and lives on in all of us. I love you, Happy Mother's Day....

My Almost Mother's Day

I think I love him.....



My friend Trish gave me this awesome baby carrier - Tristan LOVES it!

Anyway...onto my Mother's Day weekend....

Well, today was very fun! Ms. Connie (my friend from work) is in love with my son. She's in love with yours too. Or daughter actually... what? You haven't met... oh silly, silly you, that doesn't matter. Connie is a baby magnet and loves ALL kids! I wish I took pictures - shoot!
Well, she and her hubby, mom and 3 kids kept Tristan for a few hours and Holt and I decided to run around and check out Lowe's and Home Depot. James and Sue gave us their old patio furniture and we were thrilled! We have to sand off the old black paint and a little rust and we'll repaint and have new patio furniture! That stuff is VERY expensive so this was awesome!

That was bad lighting so here it is a little further away. We are getting the umbrella tomorrow... the one we brought home we don't like so you can see that later!

For Mother's Day - Holtie is buying me a double swing. We may get it tomorrow so I'll post it but he was so awesome! It's a swing that 3 people can sit in OR it can lay down - kind of like a futon bed. So, when we build Tristan's sand box and his little pool, I will have some place to sit and watch him. Or a place to relax and read. It's awesome and I am so thankful that my sweet husband is SO good at planning backyard fun!!

Then, my friend Sue from Chicago sent me this awesome frame. It has our names all over it - what a thoughtful idea!! THANK YOU SUE!!!

This is a card from Aunt Sue and Unkie... so sweet... I got two cards!! Well, I have one from my mom but I'm saving that until tomorrow. *GRIN*

This card is from my Aunt Jeanne and my Uncle Johnny... aw, shucks... I'm so loved!

We will be heading to church tomorrow and we're hitting the early service to hang with our friends. Then, Holt has to work so I will spend the afternoon with my 3 boys waiting for Holtie to come home. Later in the afternoon we will head over to my in-laws for dinner and then back home for a quiet evening before returning to work. Monday is a fun work story... remind me to tell you ;)

Happy Almost Mother's Day to me. Tomorrow... I think I'll tell my son JUST WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HIS MOM. I feel a tear or two coming on. Anyone have a tissue?

Garage sales and storms and flooding - OH MY!

Well, Holtie had his poker night on Friday and boy oh boy did those guys have fun! So much fun that they carried on until about 3am. Needless to say, the 6am wake up call for our garage sale was rough to say the least. Hey, he made it there by 9:30 with some coaxing from Jason, Neil and a pink and white doll house.... oh the story behind that one! I'll take pictures and send more on that later...

I met Julanne over at my in-law's and Sam helped us set up. I wasn't much help as I had Tristan strapped to the front of me... never a boring day I swear! Trish and Matt then showed up with their three kinds and their oldest son Kenton sold brownies and drinks for $.50.... he's SO cute! He was saving up for some classes he wants to take. So, he was giving half to the garage sale and half to his classes... what 5 year old does that!? We were all SO proud of him!!

Then Jason arrived with Collin, then Holt walked in with a box of donuts and said "I'm not late... I had to go get the donuts" - it was pretty funny actually. Sam and Ruth Ann were off to the lake so we just took over the garage and did our thing. It wasn't a great turn out... but it was on the brink of raining all day and with the swine flu hype I'm surprised anyone came out. I did however keep me little man away from EVERYONE... still not thrilled about this flu myself.

Anyway, we wrapped up at about 2pm - after making close to $475 (I think) and bringing the rest to the Goodwill truck that was there. We did save some stuff for another garage sale in the fall, maybe we'll try again. The money we raise goes to our babysitting fun so when we are in Life Group, there are babysitters that watch the kids at one of our houses. It's actually awesome because all of our kids will know each other and it's like a big play date. More "cousins" - ha!

Then, we came home and put Tristan down for a nap...the moment I got home I heard "BOOM!" and then crazy amounts of rain fell. Holt was still driving home with the dogs and it took him a while so I knew the roads were bad. It POURED ALL NIGHT LONG. I mean when they say raining cats and dogs, they aren't kidding. And no... it didn't rain a dog... I just thought you'd like to see mine LOVING their new play area!!

Here are a few pics of our backyard....

There were ducks SWIMMING right behind our fence... we normally walk our dogs all back there and there is a tiny little creek... it GREW!!

I love my backyard... you can't see how awesome it is but Holt does an AWESOME job of keeping it beautiful and that is VERY hard to do when you are poor and you live in Texas!!

Guess our water bill will be lower this month! WUHOOO

At 1am another HUGE/LOUD *BOOM* - and it woke Tristan up. I went it, got him and he snuggled in bed with Holt and I until 7am this morning. I love thunderstorms and so does Holt so we'll always do our best to make Tristan feel safe in them so he can love them too. I have to say - not a storm goes by that I don't think of my sister Kel. They used to scare the crap out of her and it was the ONE time... that I got to call the shots because she was always saying "can I sleep in here with you!?" I always got something out of it... I wish I had just pulled up the covers and said "of course... because I love you"... what a brat I was. If you were here last night Kelly, I would have done that... because I do... love you. :)

More pics of Tristan soon...family photos today are delayed due to rain. We'll have lots more and we can SKYPE next weekend for anyone interested!!