I was just reading my friend Kristin's blog... I love Durby. I love her pictures, notes, laughs, I love her fabulously fun blog and I love her honesty. Honesty is so important. The thing about it though... is... sometimes, it's hard - it's a tough nut to swallow. While I struggle with WHAT I should and shouldn't put on here... I've decided that Tristan will know the good and the bad. I'll be leather binding these pages for him once the year mark hits so he can see his crazy mommy's world... including him... and some day, he'll get a better perspective of who I am. Good... and bad.
Life has been quite the struggle lately. Surprisingly, Tristan has been the easy part. He sleeps 12 - 13 hours straight, he's eating well, he's a ball of laughs and our lives are the better because of him. He is loved by so many and he has truly been the ONE thing that on certain days, made me get up.
Holt and I went back and forth as to whether I was struggling with depression. It's not the easiest thing to diagnose. As I noted before, I tried meds and they sucked out loud... so then I tried the gym. It worked MIRACLES!! I know that about myself and I know that about staying physically fit, it is KEY to happiness. I couldn't afford my gym membership and a friend at work shocked me and paid for my membership for 6 months. I won't say who... but I will just say that it ABSOLUTELY changed the life of my family because while I am not THINNER... YET... I am much, much happier. I am a nicer version of me.
I sent an email to my core group of girls that love me unconditionally, that know me the best - the ones I TRULY allow to speak truth into my life. I gave them the skinny on a really bad fight that Holt and I had... and they loved me enough to hear me, to call me out on my behavior and to challenge me going forward. Heck, Audra and I had breakfast and she got right in my grill and asked when I was making time to get my nose in the Bible. Ar, she and Pic spent a few days praying and sent me a letter reminding me that some of the old "stuff" that I had hope was long gone...actually wasn't and reminded me of what they know to be true of me as well - it was awesome. There were many, many more.. including my mom - God bless her I beat the proverbial "dead horse" over and over with her. I love you Mommy!!
My heart is heavy for my Auntie T and for Lester struggling with cancer. My friend Deb's heart is broken and I'm angry FOR her. My friend "A" is longing for her life partner and I think she's ready and so PATIENTLY waiting but COME ON GOD! Sheesh! Holt is working his butt off in real estate and the market is better... but seriously - come on!! My sis and bro could be out of a job any day now and that is just down right scary. Our good friends are possibly getting a divorce and another set is just in a complete mess - pain, pain, PAIN and I know it's life but I'm sick of it. Sick of it. The co-dependant side of me wants to fix it all but I know better. I know what I need.
So now I am just doing my best to FIND balance. But it takes effort not to let yourself get overwhelmed with others burdens. Holt and I are doing great, we are able to talk about the hard stuff and sometimes we agree and others, well, we just agree to disagree. I think things are safer in our marriage. I don't think he's walking around on eggshells with me (as much) and I'm hoping that he can see how much I love him not only because of my words but because of my actions. Both are vital in a marriage and it's easy to SAY I love you and then your actions say otherwise. I don't want to be that wife.
Having a baby changes everything. People can tell you that until you are blue in the face but until you are THERE.... you have no idea. Not just the physical, or the raging hormones... your entire WORLD changes. And quite frankly, I think for the better.
I can no longer just do as I please. I have to be home by 6:30 or 7pm ...well, I don't HAVE to but I WANT TO. I want to feed and bathe and play with my little guy and then put him in his crib after I pray with him. I don't want to miss a moment of his life...well, more than I already have. I have a few friends that don't get this but they are stay at home moms and see their kid(s) all the time. I see him 30 minutes in the morning and then for about an hour at night and I miss him. I miss him terribly. Last night I sat at his crib and cried because I went 2 days of not getting much time with him and I missed him. My heart was sad.
So, for today, I am seeking balance. Holt and I need to do stuff for us too and I realize that. I am "coming around the corner" and know that it's not healthy to be 100% focused on Tristan but cut me some slack, I'm a first time, still relatively "new" mom. We have about 20 people begging to babysit and I need to take some of them up on it. I hate that Tristan isn't in his own bed but he'll get used to a pack and play. Sleepovers... yeah, no offense anyone but that ain't happening for a while. Judge me however you'd like to but giving him up for a few hours at night is fine but not seeing his sweet cheeks first thing in the morning? I'll pass...
I will say though... it really, really hurts my feelings when people's comments are "you never DO anything anymore", I never see you, you're no fun", blah, blah, blah. Whether you know it or not... I'm a full time mom, full time assistant to two VERY demanding men, a full time wife and in my spare time, I'm trying to lose 20 pounds. I have a ton of friends that I am SO blessed to have but try SO hard to pray for and stay in touch with. I am serving at church, trying to do my Bible study and spend some much needed time walking and training my dogs. So while my life doesn't look very "FUN" to YOU.... it's FUN for ME. People really should be more careful with their words, myself included.
I'm looking forward to heading to Charleston next month. Holt and I know our next "chapter" is beginning......... we're hoping this trip provides the "where".
Thanks for those of you that love me for being ME and not asking me to be someone I'm not. Because, for the record, I'm pretty sure this is the ME that's staying. Thank God Holt loves "her"!!!
Auntie Margie sent Mommy.....ok, FINE... she sent Tristan this blankie she made for him. I love it and I want to steal it but she's calling and checking on me to make sure that I've let my son enjoy it... hee, hee, hee... It is SO soft... and it's the perfect color... ORANGE is the Barber color for sure!! Thanks Margie!
Yesterday, Tristan and I went to IHOP to meet his Auntie Audra! Mommy's very, very good friend........... and he was a bit of a "poopy pants" at first...
I think he was hungry is all............BUT...after Audra's nose ..... and .... some pancakes...
He got better......... I think she loves him.......
What do you think?
My child is very, very loved. And THAT makes a mommy............HAPPY.
We all met Friday afternoon at the firehouse and watched our kids play and met new spouses and laughed our butts off with old friends... this was the beginning of our pyramid... we will do this for as long as our arms let us... come on Reunion in 2059 - ha!
This was the first fun reunion event I was able to do since I got hit with the plague... I made the most of it but passed out every night at 10pm. Well, ALMOST every night!!
This is Amy... a friend I've had forever and I swear, I lived at her house for a few years. Her mom Sharon and Dad Louie are another set of parent for me!! Tristan was so sick but still such a trooper!!
same except we add Missy Commesso!
And Karen came - wuhooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! She would NEVER have let my child be in that state and not see him!
She and her friend Michelle brought Tristan a sweet little gift... he loved it!
This is Holtie and Ya-Ya Debbie
Ya-Ya Chrissy!! Not sure where Josh is but her hubby has been my friend FOREVER! Love you Josh and of course YOU Meyers!!
YA-Ya Lisa and her hubby...Thad... Daddy looooooooooooves Thad - I think we'll be visiting Atlanta A LOT!!
Ya-Ya Tracy.... Mommy's best friend since she was 5!!
Ya Ya Lisa and Ann Marie........... oh I go waaaaaaaaaay back with Bean too - rollerskating days! WUHOOOOOOOOOOOO - you little boogie breaker you - Ann Marie!!
Ya Ya Treva and Ya Ya Nancy.......... oh and Treva's new little one - LUCY!!!
The Bandits back together again!!
Ya-Ya Jenny............ she's the much thinner version of me :)
In all seriousness if I had to pick anyone on the planet that I am most like - it's Jenny. Oh how I love her (poor little sick Tristan!)
Holt golfed on Saturday morning. I was off to see Aunt Trisha. Because we were sick, we couldn't see her until we were on antibiotics for a few days.
Holt, Jenny and Becky - these girls looooooooooooooooooove Holt!!
Pookie took care of Holtie and Holtie pulled some serious pranks!
felt bad ... like that Holt was bored... does he LOOK bored to YOU? I think not.......
Holt and my crew..... I'm told he fits right in...imagine that!!
I went out for ONE drink on Thursday............ then straight to bed!
My mom and I took a quick walk around Hoopes Park... So many memories there and now one more to add to it!!
Me n my man!
Here are the pics from my Aunt Trisha's house... it was SO nice to see her and she FINALLY met Mr. Cheeks!!
She wasn't supposed to hold him because of her surgery and she DEFINITELY shouldn't get anywhere near me... she hugged and kissed me and balanced Tristan on her leg. She couldn't do it... (I don't blame you, I would have done the same!!)
Aw, the Nugget and his Aunt Trisha!
Grandma gets another squeeze from the tired little boy!
He was soooooooooooooo sick of the BOOGER SUCKER... oops.... wonder who operated that? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Tristan met some of his cousins!! Sophia, Christine and Nicholas
OH and I couldn't forget this... Holt in between golf attire and "dancin' threads"
Again............ they just love him...........
Some of my girls - Tracy, Ann Marie, me, Sue and Amy
Sunday, we went to breakfast with my dad and I forgot to bring my camera. I was still SO sick........ but it was so fun to go and the place is filled with cow stuff so how could I NOT love it? Then, Holt and I headed to the Great Race...juuuust in time for a torrential downpour... so we went to Debbie's - she and Steve were having a party. So we stayed for a little bit then headed back to my mom's for my dad to come over for dinner.
I swear, I have been sick once a year and it's usually a doozie... THIS was a doozie. I just can't shake it. I could barely keep my eyes open. My dad stayed then said his goodbye's - Tristan had a bath and then in bed. Tummy full - check! Baby bathed and in bed - check! Packed - CHECK!
Date time!!! Holt and I were off to the drive in movies. I haven't been to one in years. So we got some hot chocolate, then drove in and snagged some popcorn and watched GI - Joe (great movie by the way). There was an awesome lightening storm and Holt loved every second of it.
On the way home... American called... flight........ CANCELED.
So Holt called and maneuvered our way onto UsAirways. WUHOOOOOOOOOOO
So 5am came VERY early today but we made it. Only to find ourselves in Philly with a 3 hour layover. Lord help me............ my son was OVER TIRED and it was a bit of a beating. Holt sat up from for the leg from Philly to DFW and I believe he watched a movie. I ... I sat in back and had a WONDERFUL woman who took turns holding, playing with and singing to Tristan to entertain him.
Kimmie and the kids picked us up and dropped us off home. I began to unpack and noticed that was NOT the luggage that Kimberlee May just gave me. Oh no no and when I opened it up, I was POSITIVE those weren't my clothes or shoes (UM NO WAY!) so I called Holt and he came back, snagged the bag, drove BACK to DFW and picked up the correct bag.
I loved being home with my family and friends but what a bummer to miss out on so much. Oh well, no sense in freaking out about it but I need ZERO drama the rest of the week.
if "you + life = drama"... please stay away at all costs.... I need a little free time.... wonder if that will happen... RVC is out tomorrow but Layman... is in. Happy Tuesday - ha!
I miss my friends and family SO much and while I'm happy to be home, there is just a little part of me that wishes I were still there doing life THERE, not here. I love you all - thanks for helping me make the most of my sickness!!
We woke up on Thursday and Tristan and I were NOT doing well. Our noses were like Niagara Falls and oh my oh my... I WAS SICK!
Here is Tristan with my sister... Aunt Kelly to him. We were hoping to get some sun but it was cold so we headed out
After he hung out with his cousin Zach of course...
then we popped over to the Poole's house to meet Aunt (Ya-Ya) Tracy (who refused to be photographed because she just got back from the lake with the Ya-Ya's)
So I snagged a shot of Kripper, Tracy's sister... who I've known most of my life and love!!
That night we headed over to Grandpa's house for Piccarillo's pizza and salad 0 MY FAVORITE AUBURN FOOD. Oh my gosh it was good.
Grandpa hanging with the little man....... one of my favorite pics of the week... too cute!
Then Grandpa fed the unhappy...then VERY happy little man!
See what I mean?
then Bubba was hangin' with Daddy.....
he was then prepped for his photo shoot... hee, hee
then he went to school and Grandpa taught him all about grass and leaves...
Then it was time for recess....(Cut me some slack, I was VERY sick and VERY ugly)
Then his riding lessons!
Food arrived.... we were pooped! And hungry!!
and needed a rest......
Finally it was time to go - Tristan was getting VERY tired. BUT my dad had a surprise... JUST... FOR... ME!!!
We drove through town and then past Weedsport only to come upon a farm with ....
drum roll please..........
ALPACAS! Never heard of them? Me either but they ROCK! I apologized for trespassing and they invited me in to pet them. ALL 22 OF THEM! Oh my gosh, I almost died I was so excited.
they have the BEST haircuts and are so stinkin' sweet and cute - unless they kick or spit on you but I didn't have that problem... they loved me.
I want the Alpaca that doesn't spit on you and I want it NOW!!!!! (name that movie - hee, hee)
the brown one was so curious and sweet - he followed me everywhere I go. I LOVED HIM!!
Hey Holt... I think Aslan and Simba would love him - what do you think Holtie? Hee, hee, hee
So I don't have pics but I mustered up enough energy to meet my sister and Lee for a drink then we went to meet the Ya-Ya's and the rest of my old friends at Tinkers. I had no voice, was chowing on Halls like there was no tomorrow. Sick, sick, sick. Tristan was home with my mom and he was still very sick too but his antibiotic was kicking in and he was getting better. Poor little man!!
Once again, I dragged my hubby back home and called it an early night. No more Ya-Ya's for me. :( So sad. But, there was always tomorrow - right? Right. Or so I'd hoped.
I have my pics on the other camera and I'm out of time so for now, this is all the blogging I can do. To be continued next Monday when I get back to Texas. Friday Tristan met ALL the Ya-Ya's and met all the friends from my class and even some of their kids. Then, we hit Tinkers for a whopping 2 hours. Today, we saw Aunt Trisha (Auntie T, you'll have to send me a few pics to post) and then tonight is our dinner dance. Holt went golfing with all of my friends today so it's been a long one for him. Tomorrow is breakfast with my mom and dad, then the Great Race, then I have a little surprise for my hubby as long as it doesn't rain. May the weather gods be on my side!!