Kickin' it

My sweet husband took a night feeding last night and we agreed for him to give Tristan some formula. I struggle with this because for some reason I feel inadequate. I don't know what my deal is, I guess I am just VERY anti-formula right now and I want him to be on breast milk - PERIOD. It's what I believe to be best for him. So, for now, I will try and pump and then it won't be a big deal. It's the formula that's bugging me, not the daddy.

So ... my sweet hubby sent me to bed at 10pm and stayed up with Tristan until 3am. It was hard ...when I heard him crying I popped out of bed and ran in to "save the day" only to find Holt had it under control. Holt calls it me being on "HIGH ALERT" and I guess I am. So... I would never want him to think he's not doing a great job, it's not him, it's me... my own fears and my own feelings of inadequacy, so I left and went to bed. I cried for about 30 minutes just hearing Tristan and knowing that I needed to give him time with his daddy and I needed to get much needed rest.

I love that he ADORES his daddy and I love when they do this........

That is truly Tristan's Lazy Boy recliner, he LOVES it!!!

Holt is getting the dad of the year award. Shame on those daddies who don't change their babies and play with them and feed them... you are missing out on something great. Shame on the mommies (like me) who try and interfere with that. I never knew that Holt would be THIS good. Too bad we weren't having more than one, he's made for this!

Back to my insanity.... I think part of it is not knowing what Tristan needs every second of every day. I have no idea if he is getting enough food, if he's cold, tired, bored .... I realize that if he gets fussy, that's a clue and I go from there. It's just hard. Really hard. Especially when you are a perfectionist and used to being relatively talented at things. I feel like an idiot most of the time but I know i need to cut me some slack... I raised 2 kids but they were 4 or 5... at least I know I'll be good in 4 years - ha!

I've decided TODAY that going forward I am going to enjoy my son and let a lot of this go. The food thing I am leaving up to God and will give Tristan all that I have and then the rest, I have to let go of and enjoy everything, even the not knowing, even the mistakes.

Anyway............. no matter how many emotions are wrapped around this it's fun, exciting, scary and worth every second of missed sleep. Man, I love my boys!!

PS - for those that have asked, Simba is ok, still at my in-laws and has a vet appt tomorrow. We will send pictures and an update then - poor little guy!!

Thank you Mommy (My mama that is)

Well, my mom left yesterday and it was very sad. Sad for her, sad for us.

My mom was up lat...up early, rocked, changed, and loved on her little grandson. It was such a sweet time having her here.

Then, there was me..she tolerated my bitchy attitude when I was on my own last nerve, she was patient with me, let me sleep and understood my meltdowns.

I have been scared to death that Tristan isn't getting enough food, or when his belly button had dried blood, I freaked...and she remained calm and usually gave me a "when you were little" "Your sister once.." and in the moment, I was annoyed maybe because I was scared... but after a minute or so... her stories were calming that I wasn't crazy, I wasn't alone... I was just a normal first time mom with first time jitters.

Mom, thanks for all that you did, thanks for my pedicure and eyebrow wax - it's the first thing I have done for myself and I am thankful that I did it with you.

We will miss you but August will be here soon enough. Just like we did the webcam with Aunt Trisha and Aunt Jeanne... we will have that at least with you too. It's not the best but it's better than not "seeing" him in action.

Thanks for everything....... we miss you. Love, Holt, Julie and Mr. Cheeks! (WE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MORE PICTURES!!)

Hey - what are you lookin' at? Oh ... ME!

I think I'm funny.... my daddy makes me laugh... A LOT!!

What............ did you say MORE presents!?

My friend Jackie from Hyatt sent us the CUTEST OUTFIT for Tristan and if it fits him, he will wear it at his baby dedication at church on Father's Day!!

Then Mommy's friend from college... Michelle Piansky (Breakstone) sent me these VERY cool outfits!!

Now I can dress cool like my daddy!! Now if I get some cool hair ... my daddy can make it all poky like mommy likes it!!

Our friends from Chicago, Becky, Todd, Noah, Tori and Ali sent us these awesome clothes too for when I am a bigger boy.... we like people that plan ahead! My mommy and daddy this Ms. Becky and Mr. Todd have superpowers because they have 3 babies and my mommy and daddy can barely handle me!

Also, we would be remiss to not thank Mark and Megan Crouser and Karen Castleberry for dinner the other night. We looooooooooove Outback!!

And last but not least, Ms. Holly for bringing us yummy tortilla soup and guac and chips for dinner last night. YUM!! If Mama's happy....EVERYONE is happy!

What would we do without our friends!!?? THANK YOU!

I'm awake!

Hi ... I'm Tristan and this is MY GRANDMA!!

Dad's got a TAT

Dang it's starting to come off ... but THIS is funny!

Daddy is home AND thank you Agamennone's

DADDY IS HOME - YIPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Valerie and Brandon came over last night and had dinner with us. They brought us Chili's - yipppeee! Holt got home just in the nick of time so we ate and Valerie looooooved on our baby! Brandon gave some TLC once Val gave up the little guy. I bet it won't be TOO long before they have a little baseball player of their very own. SORRY BRANDON!

Our little nugget with Grandma! Grandma has kept mommy sane and from crying from lack of sleep. THANK YOU JESUS FOR MY MAMA!

My Secret Sister delivers....

Holy cow! Jennifer Prescott you have outdone yourself! Sheesh woman!





Today, a courier dropped off a gift from Ms. Jennifer.... check out all of our great stuff! Clothes, books, burp cloths, spoons, diapers, lotion, blanket and MORE! WOW!!

Jennifer, you have been one of those friends for me that has been a safe place to go. You give amazing Mom advice (when asked), you have listened to me gripe and you have loved me when I've needed a friend and couldn't stop crying.

These gifts are amazing but the gift of YOU far extends anything material. I'm thankful that I drew your name over a year ago and was able to love on you all year long. I know you said you knew it was me.......stinker..... but that's ok, however God wanted to knit us together is fine by me.

I love you....... Jul

He is ready to ruuuuumble....

We went back to the doc yesterday and T is doing great! He is no longer stuffy, he is weighing in at a hefty 8 lbs. 10.3 oz and is happily gaining. He will be hitting the ring soon - ha!

Next check-up - March 19th - yahooooo

Oh and I also got the thumbs up on breastfeeding and although we aren't supposed to take him out in groups of people... the pediatrician gave the a-ok for people to hold him, snuggle him but just avoid kissing his sweet cheeks or his hands... have at the feet though (quite frankly my favorite baby part is feet!) because there is a huge outbreak of flu and whooping cough. YUCK!

My dear friend Christie was supposed to come over Friday night with dinner and Durby was coming Saturday but it just so happened neither could come.... but that is by the grace of God because they BOTH had the stomach flu the day after they were supposed to come so I am VERY thankful that we were spared, but VERY sad that my friends were sick! Get well both of you and then you can come and meet the little guy!

There are about 20 of you that still are planning on seeing Tristan, sorry it's taking so long, there are just a lot of people that want to see him and it's SO exhausting some days so we have to keep it to one person/family a day. Plus, Holt comes back today and we need a couple of days to ourselves so other than those dropping us dinner, we can't have visitors. We need a little family time - Daddy needs to see his boy and plus, my mom is here and we just need to chill.

So, thank you ALL for your patience and know that we are very excited for you to meet the man, but we are doing our best in balancing rest/fun and family!!

Love you all, Holt, Julie & Tristan (T, Mister T, Mr. Cheeks, Boo or the Nugget) - all of his nicknames so far!!

Guess how much I love you??

Awwwwwwww, my friend Beaner...ok, Ann Marie and her family sent Tristan this sweet note and the book called "Guess How Much I Love You" ... SO sweet! I have known Ann Marie FOREVER and consider her to be such a dear friend!

Ed (one of the guys I work with) and Wendy Littleton (Wendy, Ed's wife and a friend of mine who was a lactation nurse for years so she SAVED me the other day... God bless you Wendy!!) sent us a gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse - MY FAVORITE and I am soooooooooooooo excited to eat there. YUM! Thank you so much for thinking of us and spoiling us........ I don't have to cook or shop...YES!!!!

Oh and As says this baby thing....

It's EXHAUSTING ...Hee, hee, hee

Dreading dinner

Only because I made the mistake of getting meals every OTHER day vs. daily. If you are blessed enough for people to offer to do meals for you...take them DAILY. I'm HATING the off days of having to figure out food and then drive and go get it. No matter what anyone says... TRUST ME!

Holt comes home tomorrow... and my mom won't drive here (it's confusing, I don't blame her) so it's up to me.

I feel like the exhausted Daddy bird out scrounging for food for his young. Except I'm the mom and the baby ...well, he's taken care of. If I didn't HAVE TO EAT, I swear I'd skip.

Ugh... off to pick up Italian I go.

Drowsie Driver, Julie