Kickin' it

My sweet husband took a night feeding last night and we agreed for him to give Tristan some formula. I struggle with this because for some reason I feel inadequate. I don't know what my deal is, I guess I am just VERY anti-formula right now and I want him to be on breast milk - PERIOD. It's what I believe to be best for him. So, for now, I will try and pump and then it won't be a big deal. It's the formula that's bugging me, not the daddy.

So ... my sweet hubby sent me to bed at 10pm and stayed up with Tristan until 3am. It was hard ...when I heard him crying I popped out of bed and ran in to "save the day" only to find Holt had it under control. Holt calls it me being on "HIGH ALERT" and I guess I am. So... I would never want him to think he's not doing a great job, it's not him, it's me... my own fears and my own feelings of inadequacy, so I left and went to bed. I cried for about 30 minutes just hearing Tristan and knowing that I needed to give him time with his daddy and I needed to get much needed rest.

I love that he ADORES his daddy and I love when they do this........

That is truly Tristan's Lazy Boy recliner, he LOVES it!!!

Holt is getting the dad of the year award. Shame on those daddies who don't change their babies and play with them and feed them... you are missing out on something great. Shame on the mommies (like me) who try and interfere with that. I never knew that Holt would be THIS good. Too bad we weren't having more than one, he's made for this!

Back to my insanity.... I think part of it is not knowing what Tristan needs every second of every day. I have no idea if he is getting enough food, if he's cold, tired, bored .... I realize that if he gets fussy, that's a clue and I go from there. It's just hard. Really hard. Especially when you are a perfectionist and used to being relatively talented at things. I feel like an idiot most of the time but I know i need to cut me some slack... I raised 2 kids but they were 4 or 5... at least I know I'll be good in 4 years - ha!

I've decided TODAY that going forward I am going to enjoy my son and let a lot of this go. The food thing I am leaving up to God and will give Tristan all that I have and then the rest, I have to let go of and enjoy everything, even the not knowing, even the mistakes.

Anyway............. no matter how many emotions are wrapped around this it's fun, exciting, scary and worth every second of missed sleep. Man, I love my boys!!

PS - for those that have asked, Simba is ok, still at my in-laws and has a vet appt tomorrow. We will send pictures and an update then - poor little guy!!