Tristan (FINALLY) meets Carter... well, in person that is!

So... this is Durby... Kristin that is. She and I worked together at Balfour Beatty. Oh how I miss her! She found out she was preggers and after the shock I mocked her .... little did I know... dum, duh, dum, dum, DUMB!!! I was preggers too.

Kristin met Tristan a while back so to her surprise, he's grown, just a touch!



This is her little munchkin... Carter. Tristan and Carter - met... well, belly met... I mean they were both sloshing around wreaking havoc on our ribs so in some way they have a sneaky little connection that we will never quite understand.



Carter and Mommy........ TOO CUTE!!

This is the boys with Trenton, Durb's older son. He's 5 and he's a heart breaker and if I could get away with it... I'd steal him. The kid will chat you up about anything. He's FABULOUS... last time I met him he wanted to know if I had a boyfriend. Kristin broke his heart and told him I was married. Thanks a lot Durb, way to ruin my future prospects!

So the boys were hangin.... and I was feeding Tristan some sweet potatoes. Carter saw it and crawled right over. He's no dummy... he knew what was in that plastic container!!!

Tristan, in his normal way was like "food, what food? Who cares... I like this shiny SPOON!"

Tristan was in a bit of a food coma I think... but Carter... he's no dummy, he was looking for a container FULL of food... not with scraps!

Durb kinda reminded Carter "You just ate honey"... so he decided that the "empty" container didn't look so empty after all. I mean, come on, look at those thighs... then look at my skinny little light weight. Yes, Carter is almost 2 1/2 months older than Tristan but my little man doesn't eat... and in this photo - it shows!! He does love the spoon though! LOL~

They are both working on their own "problems here" Tristan is juuuust mastering getting the spoon into his mouth but when he got it in... it was ... well.. BORING... NO FOOD!

By this point, if I snapped one more picture, they were both going to lose it. This was the end of our play date... hugs were exchanged... then into the car we went. Tristan passed out the moment he got into my hot stinkin' car... I don't have air in the back... POOR BUBBA!

I miss you Durb, great seeing you, kissin' on your kids and let's do that more often... my house... SOON!! xoxoxoxoxo

DA DA!!!

IT'S DARK BUT YOU CAN HEAR - WUHOOOOOOOO

Off to swim!!

YIPPPPEEEE - LET'S GO SWIMMING!!



My daddy is gonna go to Big Lots and buy me my own pool...

but for now we are pool hoppin' - hee, hee, hee. Next time will be at my Aunt Kelly's house in NY!

I will take a video while we are home...it's pretty dang cute!!!

He crashed the second we got in the car.....I have another water lover on my hands!!

A lotta life and a little tattoo

Well, today marks the 5th VERY hard phone call I've received this week. One more set of friends that are headed for divorce. Holt and I are hoping that this is just a "thing" that can be worked out but SHEESH... ENOUGH ALREADY!

We have SO many friends that are struggling...heck, we are struggling. Holt and I rarely have BAD days... but we had one and we're working it out. That's what I love about us. When it's icky... it's ICKY BUT I know he's not going anywhere. I'm sure there are moments where he thinks "what have I gotten myself into with this crazy chick" BUT even when he's mad at at his wits end, he still makes sure that I know he loves me. I'm not so good at that, I like him to "suffer" a little but I force myself to apologize because I DO mean it and I DO want to but I'm horribly stubborn. Usually though, the good in me wins out.

My Aunt had surgery on Tuesday. She is doing SO well... except for today... they had to take her back in and do a little damage control. I know she's ok but I just HATE that she had to have surgery... again... 2 days later. YUCK! She was supposed to go home today... oh well, I guess maybe tomorrow. This is her Caring Bridge site that I am writing. I have to tone it down a touch though... she's a touch more... well, careful with her writing than I am naturally. As you know, I'm a blabber. https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/trishapanarites

My friend Leslie is doing well... she's just gearing up for more "stuff" to be done. Her birthday is comin' up and they are throwing her a big old party. I WANNA GO!! Boooo! Well, I can't because I'll be in Charleston in a few months and I can't afford another trip. Sad to miss BUT hoping that God's timing is involved in this and that when I DO go... it's the perfect time for me to see her. Her site is linked here... Warriors Wear Pink... you should read her writing - it's amazing. Her latest post got me thinking... I've been talkin' about a tattoo for years... I've been on a search for the perfect one... and I still don't know - BUT...

I'm getting one. I'm getting one soon. I saw one on my friend Wendy, it's under her hair on the back of her neck and it rocks. I mean, the bad thing is I won't be able to see it but it's a cool place to get one. There are MANY things that mean a lot to me... like drama faces... but all that I've seen are freaky. I love my son and have toyed with something about him - if he were from another country I would soooo steal Angelina Jolie's idea and get his longitude/latitude... I think that rocks. A cross has always been something I wanted. I really, really wanted one with a crown of thorns and I still may get that but some of them are creepy. So I'm on a hunt and I'm gonna get one. Maybe I'll find the perfect one that reveals the drama of me... all 38 years (who's counting) - I'm not sure if ONE thing can portray that but know... I'm looking and I'm goin' for it. Warriors Wear Ink... I'm on the front line Lester... so I'm joining you very, very soon!

Off to journal, think and pray... my mind is filled with concern for so many, my heart is broken because I miss my friends so much and wish I were closer. It literally HURTS some days because while I love my friends here... I have a heart-BOND with a few of you that are miles and miles away and it's days like today that I'd give ANYTHING... ok, not ANYTHING but close to it... to be with you - just sitting, saying nothing, and feeling COMPLETELY understood.

Off to have a glass of red wine... cheers to you Arlene, Lester, Jenny, Tracy x2, Chrissy, Nancy, Treva, Lisa, Debbie, Ginger, Liz, Deb, Margie, Audi, Nat, Bub, Stacy, Sarah, MiBo, Ash, Brig, Carol... and so many more... with all of my heart... I MISS YOU........

SPECIAL DELIVERY!!!

My Auntie Trisha is in the hospital.....

So Tristan thought he could crawl into the box and send himself to her....

I told him that he couldn't and he was VERY, VERY sad....

But I explained that we'd be going to NY VERY soon and he can give her kisses and hugs and fly on a plane vs in a box....

I think he's ok with that now... WHEW!! He can't wait to see you all in NY... he loves his Yankee family!!

Muuuuah! xoxoxoxo

Oopps..pictures from Connie's bday lunch

Meant to include..sorry!

Bad quality from my phone... I'll be fixing the resolution SOON!

Happy Birthday Auntie Connie

So Tristan had his first photo shoot as you know....



Because he was voted CUTEST BABY EVER... (ok, my words, not Balfour Beatty's) he got a $50 gift card... JUST in time for Auntie Connie's birthday! So Tristan gave her a Happy 1st Birthday card (ya know... first year that he's KNOWN Connie) and then made her this little goodie basket. Isn't my little man creative?! Hope you can see what's in there - his picture and a saying is on EVERY SINGLE thing... HILARIOUS!

Happy Birthday CONNIE!!!!

HE WON!!

This will be framed... Tristan's first photo shoot - WINNER!!!!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off the meds I go....(inserts whistles!)

I can't take it any more... for those of you that anti anxiety meds work..all the more power to you but I have officially become and insomniac. For all you insomniacs that somehow cope... God bless you - I don't know how you do it. I NEED MY SLEEP.

I tried, I really did... I didn't feel much different... but I think I acted different because my mom on a few occasions said "wow, I'm proud of you honey.... way to just take it and let it go" - so something must be working. I never really thought I needed them but my counselor said that with all that's going on... 3 months of taking the edge off may save me from insanity. I'm not foolish enough to say that they weren't working at all. I definitely feel less stressed but I have to tell you... I'm less ME. Yuck. I mean I'm less the good AND the bad me... but still, less me. AND, to top it all off.. I'M EXHAUSTED... all the damn time. Sorry, that's just the truth.

So, I'm getting off. I can't do it. I need my sleep. I will have to find another way to deal with outside stresses and one is that I've committed to REALLY getting back into working out. I'm in it for the long haul. You all need the best of me and that is the working out girl. It's where I can throw my stress and crazy energy. It's what makes me feel strong and good. My son deserves a healthy mom. Period.

So cheer me on and when I'm all crazy... feel free to let me know. I may flip out on you but on the inside.... I appreciate it. *GRIN* and best of luck with that. hee, hee, hee

When life gets really, really hard...BELIEVE

I don't know what to do other than to turn to those I love and cry out!

It's "funny" how having a clean house and cute clothes matters so much less when REAL life stuff happens.

Yesterday was a day of bad news. My friend's cancer is worse than expected. I am not a doom and gloom person. I know she will be ok, but the road is long and not what she expected and for that... I grieve.

A friend lost his job and he's got a lot of mouths to feed. Again, I trust that God will provide, that this was His plan and that there is another job lined up... but it's scary ya know. It's hard just waiting and wondering, but I guess that's faith.

To top off yesterday, my son had his 6 month shots and was MISERABLE. He has a fever and was inconsolable. He went to bed at 5:34pm yesterday. I couldn't fall asleep, just tossed and turned until 2am. 4am came very quickly when the little man woke up. I fed him a bottle and when I tried to put him back down he just sobbed. Crocodile tears were flowing. Man that wrenches my heart. So, I held him. And I'm thankful I can. I kept thinking what if I had no arms and couldn't ... THIS would be heartbreaking. But I can, so I did. Perspective is everything.

So while I sit here as he is (finally) sleeping... I am at peace knowing that the One who is in control is in fact, in control. He has Leslie's situation all worked out and I believe she will be back to 100% in a year. He has my Aunt Trisha healed and whole in I hope a VERY short few months. He has my friend, working in a job he loves with people that are kind and understanding - he has balance in his life for himself and for his family. My son is healthy and well and happy. I BELIEVE that God is the creator of all good things and for today... for right now... that is enough.

6 months and growing!

Tristan had his 6 month appointment today....

He weighs - 16 lbs 5.8 oz... he's in the 25 - 50% percentile... BOOOO - does this kid look skinny to you?


He's 26 1/2 inches long (50th - 75th percentile)

Head - 44 -(50th - 75th percentile) big noggin' like his mama!

this is TRULY the 1st piece of food he had...thanks Nicole!




this is the card Holt made me for my bday ...it was awesome!!



Ok, back to Bubba...

He's in the lead for photo of the week so stay tuned.

Robert gave me a birthday gift but also gave another gift for Tristan from he and his wife Sharon. They are so thoughtful and Tristan just loooooved them. I put it in his savings account. We're not sure what we will do with it. Probably just save because he doesn't NEED anything else right now and we are working off of NEED for all of us...not WANT!!

My little cutie... again... do you think he looks skinny? I mean 25th percentile? REALLY? SHEESH!

Can you see the CHUB from here?

These are jammies from Aunt Natalie...he loooooooves his Aunt and misses her!!

This is so dang cute. Aunt Trisha...this one's for you... I told him you had an owie and he told me he was coming to kiss it and make it all better!!!

Eatin' like a big boy... BUT he's ready for some Italian cookin' bring on the pasta and pizza mom and Aunt Jeanne!!

Bubba looooooooooooooooooooves his Aunt Debby!

And drum roll please....

finally.... FINALLY... FINALLY....he meets Aunt Kathy!! Now... where is Uncle Kirk!!???

This kid is going to be over loved... wait, I forgot you can't OVER love... just LOVE! This is one blessed little boy!!

more pics to come soon... I promise!

Tristan is 6 MONTHS OLD TODAY....

Update from the doctor soon! I just can't believe that 6 months already flew by! I swear I just read Durby's post about Carter turning 6 months old.... ugh! Time just flies by!!!



Tristan's first time in a shopping cart ALL BY HIMSELF... He's a BIG BOY!!

Stay tuned... my boys getting shots as we speak! POOR BUBBA!!!

Birthday gifts from God!!

Holtie planted these for me... and they bloomed TODAY

Coincidence?

I think NOT!!!

My first birthday as a Mommy!

The gym gave me the day off!!

I woke to a home made card (that I am trying to upload!)

....then went to work and here is my decorated desk... HILARIOUS! That Wendy, Corey and Kimberlee!!

Then my sister-in-law brought my niece and nephew in with some gifts! Awesome!!





The quote on the card was: "some of our funnest times have been with you"!!!!!!! So sweet!!






Isn't this CUTE!!! What a surprise this was!!

I had 3 PAGES of birthday wishes on Facebook, countless emails, phone calls, text messages and then cards in my mailbox!!

My boss Mark gave me some "mall money" and my mom and dad did too so I'm off to buy the watch I have been trying to steal from EE and then some desperately, DESPERATELY needed clothes!!!

Then me and the little man when I got home....

Holtie is off to Outback getting me my FAVORITE dinner and some wine.

He had plans for us tonight but instead I made him cancel and have dinner IN and also finish our wills. It is not the greatest thing but right now it's the MOST important thing that needs to be taken care of. So... that's what we are doing and I am THRILLED!! I love that you put up with me Holt Barber!!!

and I have been trying to get a picture of Tristan to enter into Balfour Beatty's photo of the week....







and these are cute...but....

THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE!! Connie entered it and we'll see how he does. Have to get all the BBC peeps that love him to VOTE!

WINNER??? Stay tuned....

What a great way to turn 38! I LOVE IT!!! Best birthday to date!

My desk on my birthday

My day started with Holt making me the best card ever and I had a SMILEY BABY BOY!!!

....and then... here's my desk!

I had over 60 Happy Birthday wishes... it was greatness!

What a great birthday!!

Like a wave coming in...and out...and back in...

As most of you know, Holt and I moved here two years ago to help my sister-in-law fight cancer. It was something that I'd experienced before...my step-father had it and had it bad... until one day it took his life. Bob was a smoker though.... it (kind of) made sense. My sister-in-law has 3 kids - relatively "little" ...ok, young... so it didn't make sense. Over two years has passed and cancer kind of became a bit of a memory.

There was cancer .... in ... and out....

Well, that is ... until a few weeks ago when my friend Leslie found out she had breast cancer.

...and back in it came.....cancer.

Leslie has been fighting with her head high and she's been kickin' it's butt. There are sad days like today, where in her blog you can FEEL what she is experiencing and it is horrible. Heartbreaking... so sad. But, there is still hope in the midst of it. Light at the end of the tunnel..a silver lining in a dark cloud. I am standing in the gap for her when she can't. Many a spiritual war has been one FOR us... when we can stand but our loved ones lift us up - pray for us.... walk with us. That's me. I'm here 100% for her and I know she knows it.

Leslie has made me REALLY take a look at my life. I was just sitting playing with Tristan tonight and I was doing something else while he was on the floor and I caught myself and reminded myself that THESE are the moments that I need to cherish. I'll never have THIS moment again, kids grow up and leave and begin their own lives all too fast. Leslie reminded me to stop, to REALLY stop and absorb today. She is feeling the pain of not being able to hold her baby the way she wants to and I cannot imagine. I am ABLE and I need to do it because I want to and because I can. So, I did.

I was thinking about Leslie and how right now her life is like waves crashing on the beach. There is something very destructive about water... but in the process of it... there is life. She is being pounded on all sides, but God is restoring her. She is becoming whole ... again.

So Tuesday marked her surgery... she was technically...cancer free.

Waves... back out. Thank you Lord!!

But then the next day.......... I found out that my Aunt Trisha, a second mom to me in many ways...she too has breast cancer. That one felt like a hurricane. Not again... please Lord, not again.

Cancer.......... again.

Seriously? Yup. After talking to my Auntie T, I realized that she was just going at this full force just like Leslie. She saw it for what it was and is dealing with it. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

My Aunt is hopefully stage 1 or stage 2 -again - amazing news but quite frankly, I'd rather hear, she's fine...we read everything wrong... no surgery, no chemo, no radiation...no sickness. But, what I want and what is reality are two very different things.

My Aunt is that person that I admired so much when I was little, when I was a teen..heck, even now. She's the person who taught me how to stand for pictures, I wanted a briefcase because of her and I believe my career.... well, I owe it to her - I'm kind of a mini-Trish!

She is strong and funny and smart and beautiful and I love her. I am sad and angry and emotional that this is happening and I'm so far away. I want to pack up my bags and head to Charleston, pick up Leslie and go move to my Aunt's house and take care of everyone. I want this fixed... I want LOW TIDE.

...and it's coming. It may not be tomorrow that my Aunt is ok, but it will be soon. She is strong, she is Italian, she is a Cimildora and SHE WILL BE OK. Somehow that makes me feel better... but still... I want more.

Waves bring in shells that decorate the sand. They makes pretty patterns and the sound that the waves make crashing... it can be scary but quite frankly there is nothing more beautiful. So while the waves are coming and they are coming hard... they are retreating... they are leaving something beautiful. They are changing and if you look hard enough you can see that what came in as forceful and destructive... God used to leave something beautiful.

Lester, Auntie T.... I know you will both be ok. I know you will come out of this stronger and more wonderful than you are. But I also want you to know that my heart breaks that you have to face any of this and if it could only be different...... if only.

I think I'll choose to close my eyes, to accept where life is for today and to wait for the beauty on the other side. The beauty is YOU............ whole........... again.

Whatever you need, I am here. Always. xoxoxo