Ok, so let me recap my s*$%!y week for you....
Sunday... Tristan has blood in his diaper, again *SIGH*... off to 24/7 pediatrician. They send me to ER, ER admits me and sticks an IV in his head. Holt can't get home from Chicago.... Lovely...
(pictures in earlier post)
Monday... Holt arrives, we get released, Tristan is clear and good to go home. I find out I have to revamp my diet - no dairy (God help me, that includes cheese), no eggs. Do you have ANY idea that 90% of the food at the store has dairy or eggs in it? I chant "Tristan is worth it, Tristan is worth it"
Then we find out that a very good friend of ours is in the hospital with a brain injury... ICU..things are VERY serious - so yes, things for us could be worse!
Tuesday... I start getting sick.... I suspect a sinus infection. Fabulous... BUT Tristan is happy and just kickin' it with Daddy!
Wednesday... Tristan is pitching a little fit when he has to nurse. I suspect an ear infection. Hmmmm. To the store I go for my limited diet. Oh well, at least I'll lose some weight, hopefully.... and Sam and Ruth Ann are letting me borrow their treadmill so hopefully THAT gets this extra 17 pounds off! AND some makeup will do wonders... God help Holt for still loving me when I look like this... TIRED AND OLD....
Thursday... Tristan now hasn't nursed ALL day. I'm crying... SO upset but pumping and feeding him and he's doing fine. I guess that counts... just a ton of work to pump, feed, wash bottles, etc... seems simple but trust me, it's WORK. I have enough work each day, I don't need more BUT I chant "Tristan is worth it, Tristan is worth it". I am a little worried so I bring him to the doc... no ear infection YIPPEEE! I go to my doctor... I have a sinus infection...BOOOOOOOOO! Oh well, on antibiotics I go.
I asked Dr. Katz "Is all this trouble I'm going through even worth it" and he said "the not politically correct answer is: I don't think so... I mean for bonding yes... oh and you are making antibodies right now so he doesn't get your sickness but other than that.. and burning an extra 500 calories a day for you... no, formula is just as good in my opinion."
Ok, fine. I know formula has come a LOOOOOOONG way BUT there is no way that we can out-do God. No way, no how. (Hence, I'm building antibodies so he doesn't get my infection...formula can't do that so there, I just killed your argument!)
I do believe that if Tristan were to go on formula, he'd be fine BUT if there is a 1% chance... JUST 1% ... that I could save him from some of the sicknesses that Holt had as a baby..then it's worth it. Holt has asthma, allergies, chronic ear infections (and tubes) and ADHD and if I can help AT ALL... then I am going to. Plus, my hereditary list of illnesses (Cholesterol issues, thyroid issues, cancer, heart issues, Raynaud's Disease, etc.) sucks too. This kid has all sorts of stuff stacked up against him so if I can give him the tiniest advantage on any of it... I'm gonna try.
Then, I find out that a VERY good friend of mine lost her job. THIS IS HORRIBLE and my heart just breaks for her. I don't know how to help and I want to "fix it" which I know I can't so... Holt and I just pray for her.
Aaron is still in the hospital too... so again... this is all put into perspective.
We are blessed.
Friday...Oh yeah... then there is today... I woke T up and tricked him with the fan to maybe not notice that he was breastfeeding... it worked, he nursed for 8 minutes. This was HUGE! I decided today that it's not that he doesn't like ME it's just that for whatever reason, he doesn't like nursing right now. BUT I'm not giving up PERIOD, I will try and then if it's a "NO WAY" from little T, I will pump. SO I know the emails are coming (again) that it's ok, that he'll be fine, etc.... trust me, I know all of this but I am STUBBORN and DETERMINED and those two things together are a done deal so save your breath. If you know me.. you know me... don't bother.
Tristan starts with his nanny on the 13th and I go back to work on the 9th so he'd be on bottles anyway so it's only 4 extra feeds that i need to pump for. What's 3 more? Just a little bit more time but Holt will feed, burp and change him so I can get ready for work... so technically it's only 3 more - one when I get home, one before bed, one at 4am (which he may drop soon) and the first morning feed at 6:30am. All do-able. I can do ANYTHING for 3 months and at 6 months he'll be on some regular food and cereal SO, if we cut back on "me", so be it.
To end on a happy note... Tristan found his best friend (besides Holt and I of course). His name is TJ. He's so sweet and smiley and fabulous... HE'S TRISTAN IN THE MIRROR (Tristan Junior)... Tristan loves TJ and they chat a lot when he wakes up from his nap. Hee, hee, hee
Can you see him in the mirror? He and Tristan are such BFF's they dress EXACTLY the same everyday!
And he LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES his animals in the bed too, he smiles when the mobile comes on - every darn time and kicks his arms and legs... it's GREAT!
See...ending on a happy note! Holt and I are spending the weekend and Mon/Tues finishing the to-do lists, setting schedules and preparing for my return to work. It'll be an adjustment but our new life is fun and fabulous and as long as we are all healthy (I'm on my way!) - that's ALL that matters!!
These past 3 months have been some of the most stressful of my life. I have enjoyed being with my son more than anything, I'm just sad at how it was scarred by a nursing issues, a breast infection, a hospitalization and sickness BUT I prevailed and I didn't give up and that counts for something. Period. And, my marriage is better than it has ever been and my little Tristan is happy and healthy. So, in a nutshell, I'd do it all over again. Period.
Mama B over and out.........