What would I do without Karen... my FABULOUS lactation lady!!

Well... here was how it went down

Get to car, FINALLY gets car seat in
Drives for first time with Tristan...a little freaked
Get to doc, can't figure out how to get Tristan out - frantically calls Holt
Finally gets in office
Gets not so great nurse...ok, but not so great
then gets Karen (the lactation specialist)
Julie starts to cry.... weighs Tristan, he's only gained a 1/2 ounce in 4 days, should be gaining that daily
Cries and cries... Karen is awesome, hands me tissues
asks what the situation is... we chat

Time to feed the little guy

Take of my shirt and then my maternity bra... NOT KIDDING

SHE GASPS and said "OH MY GOD, THOSE ARE ABOUT THE WORST I HAVE EVER SEEN" and closes her eyes and says - You must have a VERY high tolerance for pain because those are unbearable."

Well, at first I am freaked... not at her response but more like - "great, I've broken my nipples"

*CHUCKLE*

Not broken... just hurting. So we fed on both sides, she gave me a few things to work on and then we'll go from there. I have to go back Monday to get him weighed, I have to run to Babies and buy breast shields to use if I need them and I also can pump and feed him breast milk... I did that this morning and he took fine to the bottle and then fine again to me at the Dr's office.
So, there is a lot more but I'm emotional so I am not going to go there... just know that we WILL be ok, I can continue to nurse and yipppeee I can take some serious amounts of pain. I'm tough... I just knew it.

I have to walk around naked all night tonight... well, no top so I'm going to spend the evening alone, with my little one and just hang. I don't really feel like talking right now so thanks for the calls.. I'll return them this weekend or soon... my mom comes in tomorrow so I guess I'll be with her so forgive me if it takes me a few days.

Thank you for your prayers.. they worked!

I know that he's worth every tear...

Oh look at my sweet boy! I love him more than you can imagine...actually more than I can imagine. This time with him has been SO awesome... very hard at times because I REALLY miss Holt and know that it's hard for him being so far from us. He sounds so sad when he calls us from California, I can't help but get off the phone and cry and pray for him and wish him here. The distance is hard, but hey, 6 more sleeps and he'll be home...aaaaah.

Breastfeeding has been quite the challenge, cracked nipples are NO FUN and they are VERY, VERY painful. As a matter of fact, it's been the most painful part of my entire post partum. SUCKS... BUT I know that this sacrifice is great for Tristan and I'm giving him the best that I can and he's worth it. It reminds me of the countless times I have heard my mom and dad say that they would go through anything for me, take a bullet... ANYTHING... and I always knew they thought they meant it... but THEY MEANT IT... I get that now. I would die for this little guy. So if I can take a bullet.. I can certainly tolerate some (VERY) sore boobs. Ugh.

Thank you to Kristin Durbin for putting up with my countless calls and questions. Thank you for the sympathy you offer and I know you "get it" so I feel comforted even over the phone. Thank you to Wendy Littleton for talking me down off the ledge today and helping me with my bf'ing issues. Thank you for your advice, your wisdom and by golly, I WILL find that vitamin E cream!!

I received Tristan's social security card and his birth certificate in the mail today. It was SUCH a huge occasion and just solidified that I have a person to whom I am fully responsible and i welcome it with open arms. I don't know what I am doing but thankfully I have great friends and family to coax me along the way.

Thank you to Julanne (I forgot to get a picture of you and T today so we have to have a re-do) for sitting with me today, talking to me, allowing me to walk Aslan and get some fresh air and for sitting with me while i tried to nurse and cheering me on. I had no idea how much I needed that 2 hour visit - I APPRECIATE YOU!!! Man, I love my new LifeGroup... what an amazing bunch of women (and men!!).

This is a picture of Bebah and Tristan... he actually wasn't crying... but it looks that way. He just LOVES her and can't wait to meet his other Grandma on Saturday.

Bebah also let me walk Aslan so HE IS VERY THANKFUL... and of course, the resident klutz is thankful for being able to sleep at their house for a week. Simba's ears are no longer taped and his drain is out so HOPEFULLY he is on the mend. Dang dog.. if we didn't love him, we'd have to kill him!!

This is a picture of Tristan on his way home from the docs on Monday... too cute, he's crashed! It's tough to stay healthy....

Here's a picture of me.... after he had his shot and got his heel pricked. I was VERY sad....

oh and here is Holtie driving us home.... he was happy

and very, very proud of his little guy. I think my hubby is in shock as to how in love with this baby he is. Hopefully this solidifies his love for ME too!

Here is Aunt Debby again. She saved the day yesterday and did a diaper and "mommy stuff" run to Target. She had just flown in from a mini vacation and ran errands for us, it was awesome! Thanks Aunt Debby!!

My friend Kelly (Stott) Fidelman, Mark and their son Cole sent us this cute little outfit and some magnetic animals - so cute!! Kelly is a forever friend, I swear I lived at her house as much as I did the Poole's... she's my Weeble Wobble buddy... we used to play and play and play. I have a million stories with Kelly and I'm thankful that we have stayed in touch over all of these years!! I LOVE YOU KEL!

I also received a card from my mentor...Tracy Norris today... sweet little frog and she gave us a gift card for diapers. WUHOOOO - my new favorite thing!!

My mom's sweet friends also sent us a card in the mail... Carol thank you so much for sending in the midst of all that you have going on. Tristan and I pray for you in the wee hours, and are glad that Grandma says you are doing well. Yes! Go God!! Oh and my godmother Terri sent a card today too... thank you all so much for the well wishes and for extending yourself to us at this time.

Linda Vallis .. I think I forgot to thank you for your card all the way from London... you and Gill win the award for greatest distance traveled and for Joanne Craiker and all my TYPO's ladies for your prayers and for reaching out to us... can't wait to see you in March.

Ok, I will end now... just wanted to say that this is honestly one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I have ever done. All I can hear myself say though... is...

YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET. I have no idea what I'm made of and I know that. So, I'm hangin' on for the ride........ sore ta-ta's and all... and I'm smilin' through the tears! Amen!!

OUCH!

Well, today we took Tristan to see Dr. Katz, his pediatrician. We LOVE Dr. Katz, he's awesome. Tristan now weighs 8lbs. 7 oz so he is eating well and gaining weight. I could tell by his second chin - ha! He is also appearing to be VERY healthy and happy so we are thrilled! His next appt is in 4 weeks. YAHOOOOOOO

The flu season is upon us so we asked all of the scary questions and explained that we didn't want to be freaky but SAFE. Tristan is fine to be around people and kids... not large crowds or daycare if possible.. but family and friends are fine. One thing though people... gotta stay away from his face and hands. Soooooooooooo, his upper torso is off limits. I understand that this is a blow to you all.. I mean, I can't stand it I kiss him every second but for the next 4 weeks, he'll have to be checked out from a far...or the doc said you can kiss his feet (still a personal favorite of mine, ask my friends.. I have a baby foot fetish!)

T had to get his heel pricked.... yes, I cried... he wailed, I cried. The nurse said she bawled her eyes out with each of her 5 children so I felt a little less ridiculous.

after a thumbs up it was my turn to head to see Dr. Jaffee. well, she wasn't in so I saw Dr. Webster (the other doc who pulled Tristan out during my C-section). They removed my steri-strips and she said my incision looks AWESOME! So she cleared me to get back to life prior to pregnancy in 2 weeks! WUHOOO! 2 weeks early!! YIPPEEEEE. So I have to "listen to my body" but I am thrilled to be ME again!

Of course, my vanity kicked in with questions like: "Can I whiten my teeth", "What about tanning" I would have gone on and on.. but she just kept saying yes so I stopped asking. I also asked if it was HORRIBLE that I popped a vicodin (sp) once a day to deal with the pain of breastfeeding... she laughed and said no. One a day or one when I need it is fine. I only have 4 or 5 left and things are becoming LESS painful (THANK YOU LORD) each day so hopefully today was my last one.

So, in a nutshell, I am back, and will be back fully - well on my way to me in 2 weeks!

Tristan and I do have a sad note to post though... Daddy will be gone tomorrow at 10am for a week. We will have lots and lots of fun together but will be VERY sad to not see him. We pray for many of you each night during feedings and we have been praying that daddy's trip is successful and that he comes home quickly. WE WILL MISS HIM. *SIGH*

I had a few goofy pics to post but I can't get to them, Holt is frantically working on the other computer so I guess you'll have to do with this email just full of yapping. I hear a whimper of a little man.. I bet he wants food. TYPICAL - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah - just kidding. he's like me though, when he wants to eat... feed him... OR ELSE!

xoxo

keep it all in perspective Julie....perspective is KEY

well, it was a rough night last night. I think all the meeting new people, and stuff made my little guy a little over tired... he didn't sleep horribly, he just had trouble slowing down and closing his eyes. He did sleep for almost 3 1/2 hours at a time though so that was good....

Woke up semi rested and reasonably happy... me, not him. He was great.

so I spent the morning hoping for a shower but silently wondering HOW that would happen. I'm learning that the moment he falls asleep that is the time for ME... shower, shave, movie, SLEEP... whatever I need, I take THEN... not pay bills, write-thank you and THEN do that.. I take care of ME in those moments. So, I rested... a little. I'm learning...slowly.... :)

So it was about 4pm...Holt just got home from work and he's been busting his behind mind you. Real estate has been picking up... and he took a bunch of time to care for Tristan and I. He has run every errand, done all the to-do's around here and has been SUCH a great comfort to me.

When I cry from breastfeeding because it is SO painful he is there cheering me on. 5am or 5pm, he is up encouraging me and supporting me through it. He has changed a ton of diapers and swaddles like a champ. He has cared for our two crazy dogs and taken trips to Walgreens for things that no man should ever have to buy for his wife. He's incredible.

So, at 3pm or so... I was hoping he could rest after running around finalizing a contract. Well, nope... that wasn't gonna happen. Our resident klutz did it again.... Simba came inside the house with a gash on his hind leg that almost made me puke. It was disgusting. I was ricking Tristan and I popped out of that chair like someone poked me in the butt with a match! Holt came running in and all he could say was "holy crap"..so off to the emergency vet he went. WHY DOES SIMBA ALWAYS DO THIS ON THE WEEKEND!!!??? So... long story short, and $725 later...Simba is out. Oh and he can't be around other dogs and has to be confined to a laundry room for 2weeks. Um...yeah, Holt goes out of town Tuesday for a week and I have the dogs and the baby so um, how might THAT happen... so, the vet called, gave me the run down and I called my mom bawling..... BAWLING... but then, pulled it together so I could feed Tristan - silently hoping he wouldn't "feel" my stress. luckily, he didn't seem to notice a thing.

Sam (my FIL) turned 70 today and we were all getting together to celebrate his bday. I was so exhausted, I decided to stay home. I got in the shower... cried my eyes out because of my puppy and then smiled, thankful to be clean. Holt told me that Sam and Ruth Ann offered to take Simba for the week that Holt was gone and I felt a HUGE surge of relief... HUGE. I don't even think I can stand seeing him right now. He has a drain, he is shaved, his ears are taped back from his previous trip to the vet and he has this huge blue cone. He's pathetic looking and his pupils are HUGE and he's loopy and it's sad... BUT he's just a dog... I know.

So anyway, it was a rough one and I'm looking forward to some sleep and then for a fresh new day tomorrow. I will miss my hubby but am looking forward to some one-on-one time with my son... I know it will be a rough few days at times but he smiled at me for the first time today and moments like that are precious and I can't wait for more. We will miss daddy... but Grandma comes on Saturday so that's something in the near future to look forward to for sure!

My prayer... safe travels for my hubby, my puppy to be well and not drive my in-law's insane... my mom to not have horrid weather getting here, for sleep and for pain free breastfeeding. I am asking for a lot... but hey... if you don't ask you can't receive!!

Keeping it all in perspective though... my life is good... VERY GOOD....period.

Off to spend time with Holt then S-L-E-E-P! Ciao

It was fun but I paid for it!!

Well, yesterday was a VERY busy day and I think we wore the little guy out. He didn't nap well and didn't sleep well last night and boy oh boy did I pay for it. Oh well... I'm tired... but it was fun. Guess I'll take advantage of today to relax. Nursing was VERY painful yesterday...I cried at one point (ugh) so if you think of me at 1am you can pray for me... HOPEFULLY it will pass soon, what a beating......... BUT my little guy is WORTH every tear!

Tristan met Unkie and Aunt Sue yesterday.

He looooooooooooves them. They drove in from Waco, thankfully they aren't too far now...about 2 hours. We are planning a trip to see them in February and we'll get to see cousin Lute and Derrick too so Tristan is pretty darn excited!

They brought us a little goodie bag, a Baylor T-shirt (of course), a little shirt that was Sam's AND a cute little belt that was Holt's that was passed from Holt, to Derrick to Lute... how sweet is this!?

That shirt is soooooooo tiny and cute and the belt, he'll grow into for sure - love it!!!

Then Tristan met Ms. Connie... ...a coworker (more importantly, friend) and just LOOOOVED her! Ms. Connie is a baby freak and it was so sweet to see them together. Connie lives in Lewisville (near lots of restaurants and movies) so one of our first 2 hour date nights will be dropping him at her house, whoopin' it up and grabbing him back. She is the first non-family member babysitter... I promised long ago. I think she bribed me with bread that day... it was SUCH a great deal - ha! She brought him a little outfit that says "I was worth the wait" and then a box of little socks that are cowboy boots in a ton of colors - SO CUTE! Her hubby John made us Mexican lasagna, guac and chips, bread and muffins for breakfast today OH and she even brought treats for the dogs... EVERYONE was VERY happy to see her! Thank you Ms. Connie!!

I forgot to include the picture of the gift from Mark and Megan Crouser... SO CUTE! Can't wait for you guys to see Mister T (as Layman calls him)

One of my mom's best friend's Lana (and her hubby) sent us such a sweet card and a gift card to Baby's R Us... LANA, THANK YOU SO MUCH... you are so sweet to do that - now you realize this means that my mom owes you all sorts of baby pictures... hee, hee, hee! E-hug from my little guy to you!! Thank you!!

Thank you also to Brigitte and Brandon for sending us the books and sweet card.

Tristan can't wait to meet you guys in April!

Oh and a "shout out" to Lisa Biddle.......thanks for reading about my crazy life, I hear you missed me while I was not blogging ... hee, hee

One last note.......

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA SAM!!!

We love you!!!

More visitors...more thank you's!

Daddy loves his little guy...they got some serious snuggle time in and it was SERIOUSLY CUTE! The day always starts out sweet and with lots of energy........

I had to include this picture..... it may have to be a Christmas card or something...he's SO CUTE!

This is Teri and Nancy...our neighbors who I worship...little "w" of course! They are the ones who built the dog door IN our fences so the dogs can play. They said don't worry about the dogs when Holt travels, we will help and our 6 will play with your guys. Simba for sure... Aslan... well, he's unclear. Mom, they also brought something here that you'll love to see.. hee, hee, hee. Show you Saturday when you get here! ONE WEEK FROM TODAY - Yippeee

This is Kimberlee...we call her EE...actually everyone in my life calls her that because my SIL (sister-in-law) is Kimberly and it gets very confusing when talking about them.... so this is EE and she calls herself T's God-Mama...it's super cute (you'd have to hear her little accent that she doesn't think she has....) ha!

EE came over yesterday and brought me YUMMY spinach enchiladas and came to see the little guy. She just loves him. She and I are very much the same... not having kids... so we laughed as she held my son and I told her... "don't worry, your time will come" - she will be an awesome mom and I can't wait to be there. And torture her... like she did me...

See EE thought it would be funny to say things to me daily like - your nipples are going to burn and fall off, your water is going to break at the company Christmas party, etc... all sorts of stuff.

Payback is a mother.... see my letter below. Tristan mailed her his umbilical chord once it fell off. She almost puked. It was awesome. Mess with the bull.........

This arrangement came yesterday from our Florida office... they are SO SWEET! Thank you Gail, Delana, Al & Ray... SO SWEET! I didn't take pics of everyone's flowers - I was lazy BUT I did post 9 or so blogs... so shush! Mark Crouser also sent us this awesome cart FILLED with toys, Manny and his wife Julie sent me a "Mommy's wine" cup and blanket - SO CUTE! I received flowers and cards from our London office... man, this kid is getting stuff from across the pond! Daaaaaaaaaaang!

This gift is from Mara and Paul... they live in Chicago... it is SO CUTE! Spoiled, spoiled - SPOILED!

Believe it or not....our insurance agent (Ron) and his assistant (Erica) sent us this rockin' baby blanket... so cute! Allstate ROCKS!

This is Aaron and Jenny. They are very good friends of ours from our old Bible study, Holt serves with Aaron at church and they are pretty much twins... they get along great and Jenny... well, quite frankly, she is the nicest person I have ever met (sorry for the rest of you but I'm not kidding) and she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous. What a couple! They made us homemade pizza, a salad and ice cream for dinner last night. YUMMMMMMO. Man, I've never appreciated my friends more!!

This is cousin Katelyn... she is in love with Tristan and has offered to babysit for an hour on Wednesdays so Holt and I can start dance lessons again. We were thrilled! She lives 5 minutes from the dance studio so once I can bottle feed and I'm all healed, we can begin! Aunt Debby and cousin Alyssa are there too so I'm sure there will be many baby wars. This kid will be well loved and spoiled!

This is Ms. Loni.... she brought us dinner the other night and it was YUM-O...ITALIAN! LOVED IT!! She also brought Tristan clothes and a baby book.... man oh man.. this will be the best dressed kid on the planet. I don't have any more room in the drawers. My mom and I will be sorting clothes next week...his dresser is a department store! Thanks Loni!!

Franci and Bob also sent us a monogrammed blanket with Tristan's name and birthday...it is SO sweet!!

I have decided not to write thank you's for those of you dropping food... I'll get on here and officially thank you... but I have written almost 12 a day and 1) I'm out of cards and can't drive and get more 2) am EXHAUSTED and will hug and kiss you and profess my undying love if you forgive me. :)

Well, this is usually the end of the day... who would have known that a little guy could use up so much energy. He's worth every ounce of it and plus, who wouldn't want to snuggle. Getting tired has it's benefits!!! Holt and I usually take every other day to take a sleeping beating... ha! Meaning...last night he got 8 or 9 hours...I got about 6 ...the night before it was reversed. Works out great. My man is good to me!!

God is good to us..........we have an awesome baby that we love that is surrounded by others that love him too. Perspective is awesome............. I am blessed.

I'm too tired to be funny

So you are just getting pics... maybe tomorrow I'll have some more funny energy! But I doubt it

Recovery was awesome... so many nurses - THANK GOD!!

Well, I can tell you that this hospital knows how to do it. 2 flat screen tv's, Tristan gets a nurse, I get a nurse... GREAT food... relaxing atmosphere... gotta love it.

Here's a pic of the 4 Holts...My Holtie, Sam Holt Lane Holt and Tristan Holt...awwww, so sweet

Kimmie and the kids came up with Sam and Ruth Ann to see the kids and we celebrated Tristan's first birthday! We had cupcakes (with candles), sang happy Birthday, they gave Tristan a silver cross necklace and bought me this blanket that I was dying for...

Here's a few pics from the party... it was a memorable 1st and I have to say, I think it's sad not to celebrate the birth as a BIRTHday... so I think I'll try to do this for my friends... it's memorable for sure!!

Just pics

I'm in love...again.....

Proud Aunt Kimmie

me n Hadley

Me n Holtie.....

Lane, the happiest kid on the planet!

Holden saying hi..wanting to check on me!!

Gettin' oxygen when Tristan did NOT like those contractions coming too close!!

Ok, more to come...

It all began at 7am on a Wednesday

Well, at 7am on Wednesday, January 14th I went to the hospital to be induced. All was going well, doc came in, breaks my water, pitocin was working, full contractions, 2 minutes a part, 50% effaced, dilated to a 2..doc says, I'll see you at noon. Great!

Noon comes... dilated to a 4 but Tristan doesn't like pitocin...so off I go...trying it on my own. BIG contractions... BIG and fast... time for my epidural! YIPPEE

here is before and after...

guess which is which?? ha!

well, sadly...at 6pm when my doc returned she checked things out and my cervix was very swollen. After some tears, some prayers and some letting go... they wheeled me into the ER and set me up for my c-section. This is my nurse Linda... I absolutely LOVE her and am so thankful that she was my nurse!!

Here's Dr. Jaffee... I love her too

8:25 arrived and out comes our little guy, and look at the proud papa!!

Ok, gonna post some pics now... we had a really rough night but I've decided I'm not gonna tell that story... I;ll just end this one by saying that I wanted to cry...when we finally got in our room close to 1am. BUT in the midst of the icky night... my sweet husband was having issues swaddling our little guy and asked me for help. mind you, i can't move, epidural still in full force... so he brings Tristan to me... he said can you help? We open the swaddle and in there are the diamond earrings that I have wanted for SO long. He said I deserved them for all of my hard work... he said that I deserved them and he wanted me to have something beautiful on the day our son was born. My heart melted and I fell in love with my husband again. I fall harder and harder each and every time. God gave me a man of integrity, of great character that loves me VERY well then He tops it off with an awesome, healthy, happy baby. THAT is a blessing. All else fades away. Perspective is awesome!!

Pictures in next post....

Our angel has arrived

Thank you for being patient, I've gone missing for a while... and have been dying to get on here but I haven't had more than 5 minutes to myself..imagine that!!



Well, let me first of all thank a bunch of people...get that all out of my head and post it, then I'll tell a few stories!



Thank you Kimmie for being in the delivery room and helping Holt and I for those few days in the hospital. We couldn't have done it without you! Sam and Ruth Ann thank you for taking care of our other two "kids" - it took a HUGE burden off of Holt and I and gave us great quality time with our son.



Robert, Mark, Nancy, John, Hannah, Austin, Tiffany, Margie, Debby, Kathy (Ebby family), Gill and my "family" from BBC, plc in London...thank you all for our flowers. Our room and house smell fabulous and look great! I was hoping to take pictures but again... I have a lot on my plate. :)

Thank you for the gifts... Michelle & Phil, Debby & Alyssa & Katelyn...the diapers are awesome...and SO useful - this kids just blowin' 'em out. Imagine that! Ha! Margie, Loni, thank you for the clothes... this will be the best dressed kid around!

Trish and Loni, thank you also for bringing us dinner, it has been SUCH a blessing...SUCH a HUGE blessing to not have to cook at night.

Trish, Jenn and Chloe...thank you for the Target gift certificate as well, this too comes in SO handy and Holt and I are so blessed that you have done this for us.

Oh and Teri and Nancy, our next door neighbors, they are AWESOME! They brought us over a baby gift - so sweet and TODAY..the put a door in our fences so our dogs could run back and forth and play. THIS IS HUGE for those of you that know Simba. As isn't thrilled, he's Mr. Anti-social, but Simba the social butterfly is jazzed!

Oh and Corey...thank you for setting up the meals for us...Durby, thank you for giving me mom advice, calming me down and making me feel sane!

Steiner...thanks for sending off those emails and keeping everyone in the loop and Wendy, to you too for handling the Balfour Beatty family and keeping them informed.

There are links and videos on Facebook...for those of you that don't have it, I'll try and have Holt post them to YouTube so you can see them...

ok, now I think that covers it.... I;ll post and then get back to the business of telling you what happened all starting at 7:30am on Wednesday when my sweet angel arrived....

We love this boy!!!

WUHOO - JUST IN TIME

Well, our video camera arrived in the nick of time! This is bad...but better than our camera!
More fun shots to come. YIPPPPEEE...

That's it... I'm charging rent!!

Well, it's Monday one very long day after Tristan is due and he's not coming out. Here's what I've decided:

So, from here on out... it's gonna cost him. It's blurry but I'm too lazy to go make it cuter. Ha!

Doesn't he know all the great stuff we have in store for him?

Our friends Priya, John (and baby Timmy) from Chicago sent us a sweet card for Tristan's baby book and I could NOT believe what they sent us as a baby gift. They sent us a rocker and ottoman for the nursery! What a surprise! Thank you guys so much for your generosity and we cannot wait to see you when we come to Chicago, it's been far too long!!

Also, just a quick shout out to my friend and work Nicole Hogan. She (and her hubby of course) have been SUCH a huge blessing to us by giving us all of their baby clothes as well. She gave me bags of bottles and extra stuff too and you don't realize how HUGE this is until you actually try and afford a new born on your own! I don't know how people do it! Wow!!

So here's Nicole... a little blurry (sorry - it's the camera on my phone) but here she is - wuhooo!

Thank you all again for all you have done for us. We are SO appreciate!!!

Tristan, come out and meet all of these great people, they can't wait!!! Love, Mommy